Currently, my daughters are with my parents, that’s 1576.2 miles away from me. And as single-working mom, the biggest challenge is trying to live through the loneliness of going home to an empty place each and every night.
The only consolation I have is work – at least it takes up most of my time away from home. If there’s one thing I am especially thankful now, is to have this fun-crazed friend who’d drag me to places after work for coffee or a quiet dinner. And by the time he drop me off at my place, I’d be too tired…with just enough energy to prepare myself to bed.
But my Saturdays are special…it’s my “time” with the girls. We usually devote either the morning or afternoon (depending on my work) to talk over the net.
And over time, it’s less teary…less painful to see them on the screen but unable to touch or hug them. It seem to me that we’ve adjusted with our complex set-up and getting more in groove.
It’s always a boost to see their excited and happy faces every time we have our ‘talks’. And that will be followed by onslaught of questions…that I hardly have time to keep up with the answers.
My Katie at seven, would fuss and worry over me….asking if mommy’s eating well… if I’ve lost weight… how was my work week…expressing her excitement over mommy’s travel plans this year…and always (always) assuring me that she and her baby sister Ashley is doing great at Grandma’s and at school.
It is both cute and heartwarming to see her like this….yet, at the same time difficult to comprehend how she can have this understanding way beyond her years…While my youngest Ashley, would be a bit more chatty about her school activities and what she has accomplished that week…just focused on herself…a typical 5 year old. 🙂
In all, the guilt that I used to feel of leaving them under my parents care is slowly replaced with a secured assurance that – at the moment, my girls are in the best place. Where they are loved and well taken care of.
While I am in the process of healing…and with the crazy schedule I ran at work. Being with me may not have been very conducive for their growth and I don’t think I will be able to efficiently care for their needs physically and emotionally if they’re with me.
I am thankful, that I was blessed with this wonderful set of supportive parents, and a younger brother who takes on the role of that father figure to my girls.
Looking back, without their support I might have actually gone bonkers! Imagine, having to deal with the break-up of my marriage, to handle the care of my girls, maintain a career…it would’ve been chaotic!
Reflecting over, my girls….especially my eldest Katie seem to understand about what happened between me and her dad….more understanding than I gave her credit for. I just pray that when the time comes for her to start asking questions I will be ready – ready to give her honest answers…answers that might hurt her…but it will make her strong and will bind us even more as mother and daughter.
But for now, I just pray that she’ll just be a kid again…enjoy life as she suppose to…and not to worry about us…and hopefully even with the distance she’d feel that mommy loves them both…and never fail to think about them every single day….
And despite this huge turn in our lives…the girls and I will make it.
Slow…but definitely moving towards it. 😉