Monthly Archives: October 2012

Counting Hours…

In a next couple of hours, I’ll be flying home.  Initially, leaving the girls with my parents seven months ago was a heart-wrenching ordeal for me, something I cry over for weeks (or months…depending who among my friends you happen to talk to!).  But yes, finally today is the day.

Although, I’d rather wish to come home to a different circumstance, but sometimes what seem to be a sad event turned out to be an occasion where I will be reunited not only with my two darlings but the entire family.

Last week my grandfather (dad’s father) peacefully passed away.  The day he passed, also happened to be my eldest’s 8th birthday celebration.    So what supposed to be a festive family dinner celebration turned into something solemn.   But it brings me enormous comfort to know that despite my distance, my grandfather had a peaceful passing, surrounded by his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

It is but natural for the entire family to feel sad, since we have lost the significant member of our family, but we know he is now in a good place where he can watch over us and be proud that he has raised a beautiful family.

Looking back know, I feel privileged to have known my Lolo.  For he has played a special role in my life,   and I am glad that he got to meet my two girls and I thank God for blessing us with such a wonderful man. 

With only a few hours before I fly home, my heart is full of sunshine and promise.  That, although my grandfather has gone ahead – but his spirit will live on in each of us and grateful that his life is now complete.

When I look at the sky tonight, I will look for that brightest star, for I know it will be my Lolo looking down on me….

Happy Birthday Katie

Dear Katie,

I have been holding back my tears since the realization that today you’ll be turning 8. Another milestone my darling daughter, and indeed time moves swiftly…it seems like yesterday, around the exact moment 8 years ago when I first laid eyes on you. You were so tiny then – that I was actually scared to hold you.

I stayed up last night looking at your pictures. Smiling over how you’ve grown over the years…

We’ve been through so much, you, me and your baby sister Ashley…at 7 you were my little anchor when I was at my lowest.

When I first had you, I was daunted with how much I had to teach you, never realizing that you will teach me as much as you have. You’ve taught me acceptance, forgiveness, devotion and the purest form of unconditional love that exists in this world.

There is nothing more overwhelming than the pride that fills me whenever you report to me how well you did at school. And those letters you write to me and coming up with the sweetest words that never fails to warm my heart and melt our distance from each other.

You fill me with so much love and joy that brings me to my knees when I imagine you growing up, and soon become independent. Nonetheless, I continue to marvel over God’s precious and wonderful gift to me.

I understand that you won’t be 8 forever. While your hand still fits in mine and you still call me Mommy, I will relish every second of our journey together.

And though, at times it feels like you don’t need mommy to do things for you, but I know that there are things that only mommy can help and remember; you will always be my little girl, my precious wonderful first born.

Better Out than In

“A life worth living is worth recording.”

–          Tony Robbins

 

Writing has always given me comfort, especially on days when I feel choked up with emotions.  I just need to do something to let it out a little…and like what I always tell myself “it is better out than in” otherwise, my poor abused heart might simply explode to smithereens!

Putting my thoughts in paper is simple and effective, unlike everything else in my life right now….at times it feels that writing is (really) the only way for me to dig deeper and find perspective through all the complex issues I go through on a daily basis.

And so far, it has never failed to make me feel great afterward…to find that inner space within me.  It is my way of getting rid of the mental and emotional ballasts which accumulated over time.

Thankfully in writing, I can get whiny, pathetic, angry, ugly, resentful, bitter, jealous, crazy, happy and joyful as I can be; without the immediate judgment, the kind I get when I share to people. 

While it’s true, I just might feel nauseated how ugly I sounded when I go back to read my past entries.  But what is truly important is for me to see my personal development over the course of time.  And of course it will serve as a good review how I managed past challenges in life.