“I Don’t Want To Be Like My Mother…”

“I don’t want to be like you!” stinging words I threw at100_3070 my mother’s face during my rebellious years.

The very reason why I chose to take on Management in college simply because I don’t want to be like her.

My mother is a very (VERY) intelligent woman, in fact I’m not half of the woman she is. But still, I never wanted to be like her.  Growing up, I aspired NOT to be like my mother.

But now, I’m desperately wishing for someone to tell me; “Look at you, you’re just like your mother!”  Now that I’m a mother myself, I’m beginning to hope to be like a mother she has been to me.

My mother was a stay at home mom until I was 7.  And on my 2nd year of high-school my mother decided to go back to college for her 2nd degree.

Yes.  My mother is a life-long learner.

Long before we can quantify it, my mom already craved for life-long learning.

For whatever the reason, I was pretty embarrassed by it.  I hate, hate those first week of classes, where you need to stand and introduce yourself in front of your new classmates.  While most of my peers, would say “My mom, is this and that.”

I just want to DIE.  What should I say, “My mother is a student?”

Looking back now, I want to smack myself from my own ignorance.

I misread my mother…so many times in the past that it’s beyond shame.

She wanted nothing from me but the very best.  Giving me everything within her means to help me succeed in life.  She indulge my quirks even when she doesn’t understand it herself, she let me go when I needed to flee and welcome me home when I needed to rest.

My mother is patient, loving and giving – even to those whom I think undeserving, and I misread it as blindness.  Her devotion to my father, to her in-laws and to her own siblings, I mistook it as servitude.

Her unquestioning faith in God, is something I’ve always seen as naiveté.    I said to her recently, “Mother, with everything you’re doing for us now, you will have a crown in heaven.”

I say that in jest, but I truly believe that God, has this special spot in His heart all reserved for this wonderful lady.

And now that I’m a little wiser, I envy her.  I want to be her.  I want to be just like my mother.

For years, I’ve done everything I can, not to become my mother. Because I thought I’m better than her, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.  I planned my life,  I wrote down endless lists of things and goals and thought to myself – because I have all this experience under my belt…I will never be her.

Now, I’m looking forward for that day, when someone would tell me, “You’re just like your mother.”

Strangely everything I despised about her, is everything I admire and yearn for.

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